Taking it out on my BLOGgggg

Alright. I am going to be honest here. I have been lacking in the blogging. I have really fallen in love with writing and telling stories and putting up pictures. I love thinking I am clever or I love when I sit here and get to write about the funny things that happened over the weekend, or the week, or the last hour.  I love when I put random things up that I know most people probably don't find funny/interesting/amusing....but thats only cause you were not actually there to see or here the things being said.( I mean that in a nice way) But that is me being selfish so when this year is over I have these posts to look back on and laugh about and remember what a great time I had over here.I do love it. But its hit me...what I like to call a funk. A funkuty funk. SO here is the feelings I have had this past week/weekend.

I have been feeling.... lonely,sad, on the brink of tears or if not in them, stressed, guilty, anxious, bummed.

I think about what has caused these feeling and here are some things I have linked them too
-I am so lucky to have skype. I get to see my mom or my dad or one if not more of my girlfriends on a daily basis if I want or need.  But this has also made me miss them even more sometimes.Even when I lived in Chicago I did not actually get to SEE mom and dad as much as I get to see them NOW when I am HALFWAY across the world.
-I miss being able to fly home and watch Luke play hockey
-I miss having a cell phone that works...or that I don't have to refill every other day with BHAT because it ran out. SO really I miss the family plan cause I was still on it and papa bear was fronting the bill. UH time to take on my own cell phone bill.. wah wah I know I sound like a little almost 25 year old brat that got to stay on the family plan....branching off that..... I was on the family plan so I could harass my mother at all hours. Which I did. Every morning I talked to her on the way to work, from work, when I was bored, when I had something exciting/useless/something to complain about/something to brag about.....if my phone was ringing or I was making a phone call most of them were to my mom/from my mom. So I miss being able to have someone to call just to tell pointless things to that happen everyday to someone that cares or at least will listen to me cause thats her mother duty.
-I miss my studio and all my clothes that I left behind that I SO could have used over here
-I miss my G6. however, I don't miss car insurance, parking tickets, digging it out of the snow, oil changes, trying to find a parking spot on my street, parking meters or traffic.
-I miss whole food salads
-I miss wine. I miss red wine. White wine. Wine, wine oh yea.....WINE
-I miss KASHI crackers/bars
-Going grocery shopping and being able to read the labels
-I hate all the pictures taken of me out here. The food has to much sodium, I have no clue what is in 1/2 the things I eat, my clothes don't fit right, my cheeks are getting puffy...because of this I go to the gym EVERY SINGLE DAY, I drink SO MUCH WATER I pee at least twice and hour, I stopped drinking beer, I only sip on vodka waters and sometimes whiskey/diet cokes if I have a drink
-I miss fresh veggies that are not DRENCHED in OIL or fried
-I miss unsalted ANYTHING. Everything has WAY to much sugar or WAY to much salt
-I miss my gym that did not just have skinny Asian boys( nothing against Asian men here.....I am just 5x the size of some of them) working out checking out their abs and hogging the weights and smelling like nasty BO. -Or having to wait for the one elliptical or one of the 3 treadmills from the 1800 to be free from one of the students in jean shorts and flats walking at 3.1 miles per hour with make-up and hair curled
-I miss draft beer
-My dreams are SO crazy out here I can not even get into them. I have never had dreams like I have dreams out here. They are so real and sometimes they throw off my day because I wonder what dreams really are, do they have meaning and if so what in the hell do they mean
-I miss WGN morning news. However, I do feel smarter from watching BBC World News and CNN everyday
-I want my pillows and down blankets from home
-I miss hot baths, coffee shops, starbucks, my big computer screen
-I am sick of not being able to communicate with people about SIMPLE things....i am trying my best to learn the language
-I am getting tired of throwing mini fits inside myself when my soup comes out with WHOLE PARTS of the CHICKEN inside of it...you know, bones, liver...sick, gross, I puke in my mouth...and when a friend says..."its not gross rachel it is just different." I want to scream even more.
-A big reason I left to come here is because I was sick of working ALL the time just to be able to live....pay bills, loans, eat, drink(only on Sunday Funday of course) but I realize I was spoiled. I had a pay check 2x a month, good insurance, English speaking doctors, cash in my pockets from my weekend bar jobs. I am learning to budget with my once a month pay check and no extra cash.....let me tell you LEARNING experiencey
-Grading convo classes and academic classes but not really knowing what to do because we can't get a real answer from anyone in the offices.....
-planning a 3 month vacation on a budget and knowing I will only have 1 back pack to live out of. I am excited yes. I am doing something not alot of people get to do but daaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggg its stressfull thinking about and booking and buying and planning and making sure everybody is happy......plane tickets, train tickets, bus tickets, how much money a visa costs for each county, how much lodging will cost, figuring out the places to see, making sure we have enough special pills for the 9-24 hour bus rides, do I have enough undies to last me, can I find the right detergent so I can wash my clothes in buckets and sinks, how and where to get my shots so I don't fall very ill in INDIA, there are lists and lists that I have made.

Thank you blog. I feel better. I am sure there are other things, but thats all for now.
everything will work out.
everything happens for a reason
I tend to over react
I hope I look at this post and laugh in 24 hours
I am about to travel Asia and see parts of the world I thought I would never see
I am lucky and happy and healthy
I have amazing friends over here that have gone through this, will go through it and without them I don't know what I would do
I have a roof over my head
I have parents who let me cry like a baby over skype then make sure I am OK and tell me everything I need and want to here
I have food to eat....even if it is cornflakes its ok.....because I love cornflakes
I have my pink blanket.

ANDDDD now ladies and gentleman proof of things over here that saved my last week and weekend.....

It's a purse....it's a bag....

 It's a piece of CLOTH tied up to look like a bag with pretty hair bows for decorations!!!! Inside this nifty little wrap job was two cartoon notebooks!!! THANKS KIDS! (present form some former students)

Remember me telling you about how I gathered all the things to make my favorite breakfast....well here is a visual. Oatmeal, bananas and cinnamon.. whoever wifes me up will be lucky to have me in the kitchen in the mornings.....

Tonight. I got a package. It changed my world, life, outlook on the day. Rachel sent me a Valentines day package with everything perfect. Beef Jerky, stickers, mixed CD, a scarf, a love note, lip gloss, tampons, a body scrubber thing for the shower, candies, starbucks instant coffee, green tea, peeps.....thank you thank you thank you. I cried and I laughed all at the same time. PERFECT RACH!!!!!!!!!!! you are just the bestest.

Alright. Sweet dreams for me.....nothing but happy thoughts this week. It takes to much energy not to be happy. Ready, set....positive attitude starting now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!